A descendent of theropod dinosaurs, Ladies & Gentlemen.

Think of the lives that could have been saved if they had a bucket of ping pong balls to distract the raptors.

Track Title: I Love You feat. Angel Haze

Artist: Woodkid

you were a maze to never be completed
and I fell through cracks in all your little secrets
but your grip won’t let me free and closed eyes won’t let you see
that out of everything you are arises mystery

back to the intro, back to the back of the back of the door I watched you close
colors washed by the endless tides, by the end of the cycle faded slow
back to walls with the holes punched in by the ends of a fist with knuckles swole
back to the chick that lost control, back to the pain that can’t be shown

tagged → #music

#suicidal ideation tw #im a fucking mess tonight haha tw

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i love the irony of living in one of the, if not THE country with the best health insurance/coverage and yet having no idea if im ever going to be able to get the medical stuff i need to be not miserable and being consumed with envy whenever i hear someone talk about informed consent clinics

tagged → #sleepy text posts

funny that post came to my dash right as i was angsting abt how i wish i knew if/how i could get myself tested for a couple brain things just to know for real if they’re a Thing for me or not except every time i seem to bring it up to a psych they’re just “u shouldnt self-dx” or *nods dismissively and then return to talking abt my sads* ugh

tagged → #bad brains blogging


This website, funded by the National Autistic Society(who are supporters of neurodiversity btw) lets you download legitimate diagnostic tools for assessing ASDs in a clinical setting free of charge. It’s all open source. What this means is that your therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist can give you a legitimate diagnosis without paying 2000 dollars for the ADOS.

Western Psychological Services owns copyrights to all the big name tests like ADOS and the ADI-R. Everytime their tests are used, royalties go to WPS. This is why diagnosis is so difficult to procure. NAS and ARC however are making it their mission to make diagnosis accessible to everyone.

Other open source diagnostic tools include the RAADS-R, Stroop Test, and the QGAS(which has been scanned online in three pages here: 1, 2, 3, scoring sheet).

All of these tests are used in diagnostic settings and they do not require special training DVDs. They are available for everyone!

This means that those of you who think you may be on the spectrum but worry that you can’t afford diagnosis(or your doctor says it’s too expensive to diagnose you) there are several legitimate approved diagnostic tools that you can do yourself or link to your doctor or therapistso they may administer it for you.

Other relevant test resources:
Jean Ayres Sensory processing Disorder Checklist
Rombergs Test(contains video for visual support)
Aspie Quiz which is gaining scientific traction
Memory and Cognition screening tests

Video on Girls with Asperger’s – 
Video on emotions and alexithymia in Autism - 
Video on Sensory Sensitivities (How we experience the world) – 
Video on Sensory Overloads –

gain, if your doctor has trouble diagnosing you and you think you deserve a diagnosis, all of these tests have been either developed in and for clinical settings or are currently in the process of being proved useful for clinical settings. They are all free. Some you can do yourself. Others doctors can do with you without payment or test specific trainings.

I have collected all of these links here in one post so you may link your doctor, counselor or therapist the full array of tests.

tagged → #reference
what resembles the grave but isn’t


Always falling into a hole, then saying “ok, this is not your grave, get out of this hole,” getting out of the hole which is not the grave, falling into a hole again, saying “ok, this is also not your grave, get out of this hole,” getting out of that hole, falling into another one; sometimes falling into a hole within a hole, or many holes within holes, getting out of them one after the other, then falling again, saying “this is not your grave, get out of the hole”; sometimes being pushed, saying “you can not push me into this hole, it is not my grave,” and getting out defiantly, then falling into a hole again without any pushing; sometimes falling into a set of holes whose structures are predictable, ideological, and long dug, often falling into this set of structural and impersonal holes; sometimes falling into holes with other people, with other people, saying “this is not our mass grave, get out of this hole,” all together getting out of the hole together, hands and legs and arms and human ladders of each other to get out of the hole that is not the mass grave but that will only be gotten out of together; sometimes the willful-falling into a hole which is not the grave because it is easier than not falling into a hole really, but then once in it, realizing it is not the grave, getting out of the hole eventually;  sometimes falling into a hole and languishing there for days, weeks, months, years, because while not the grave very difficult, still, to climb out of and you know after this hole there’s just another and another; sometimes surveying the landscape of holes and wishing for a high quality final hole; sometimes thinking of who has fallen into holes which are not graves but might be better if they were; sometimes too ardently contemplating  the final hole while trying to avoid the provisional ones; sometimes dutifully falling and getting out, with perfect fortitude, saying “look at the skill and spirit with which I rise from that which resembles the grave but isn’t!” 

Track Title: The Fog

Artist: Moonface

Album: City Wrecker EP

she says, don’t tie the blindfold quite so tight this time.
he says, don’t love me to death and i won’t love you to death.
she says, i won’t love you to death if you don’t love me to death.
he says, i won’t tie the blindfold quite so tight this time.

tagged → #music
tagged → #ah yes #good omens